Relax, relate, release….fuck that. Delta Airlines has the shittiest customer service in the world; honestly, I've never encountered a company as a whole that acted like they had a colossal bug stuck up their ass about everything. And yes, I know they're about to go bankrupt. Good fucking riddance.

As you know, Delta lost my luggage on a recent business trip. I dutifully sent a claim over to them ASAP via the fax number listed on their website. I call a few days later and they never received it and told me to re-send it. I figured it was cool since I faxed it when I was on the phone with them and the rep told me she received it. I call back two days later and they haven't received it.

What. the. fuck.

Faxed it for a third time. Was told they still did not receive it. So I go to their website and get the physical address to send claims. I fax the claim a 4th time and mail the claim certified mail. The signature card comes back to me signed and received. Then yesterday, I got a check in the mail for $125. I call Delta to see what this is for and get Bangalore Joe on the phone.

"Dees is foh da inseedentuls suh Karsh."

"Incidentals…OK. Have you received the claim that I sent in, file reference number ABC12345?"

"No suh we have-a no claim by that numbah."

"Can I speak to your supervisor?"

"And-a why-ah do you need to speek to supahveyeser?"

"I will talk about that with the supervisor, thank you very much."

"A-hold please."

So after being on hold for two hours, I get Bitch Betta Have My Money, who I had a very hard time believing was the supervisor.

"What?" she answers.

"Umm, is this the supervisor?"

"Yeah. What?"

"I've faxed in four claims and mailed one certified mail…how could you not have received them?"

"Sir, I'm sorry, but we ain't got it."

"You 'ain't got it'…I faxed it to the number listed on the website and mailed a claim to the address listed on the website!"

"Oh, 'dem wrong."

"Excuse me?"

"The fax number and the address on the innanet is wrong. You ain't fax it to the right place."

"Well apparently not…how do you have incorrect information on your website concerning contacting you? This is also the same information that's in the documentation I received from Delta!"

"I'on't know."

"Ma'am, can I get your name, please?"

"Miss Lewis."

"And what is your first name, Miss Lewis?"

She smacks her lips. "Miss."

Ooooh….lawd Jesus in heaven I was so mad I was shaking. She was about to catch the cursing of a lifetime but I was at work and couldn't lay into her ass like I wanted to. And I really wanted to. So now I have to send in ANOTHER claim to this supposed "correct" fax number, click my heels three times, do a twist, and snap in Z-formation in hopes this will go through.

And then I hear this chick gets suspended for blogging about her job and posing for pics in her uniform and posting them on her site! And guess what…she works for Delta!

I wonder if her last name is Lewis.