2005 was not a banner year for me. Sure, I managed to get a speck of notoriety for some of my projects, and that's all well and good. But as far as my personal life (friends, family, boyfriends), it downright sucked ass. The family relations have been stressful, the companions few and far in between…and the men? Let's see…who was I last crushing on…that's right. Tall Boy.

Tall Boy was a liar. Sure, we went out and had a great time, and he fed me a good line about wanting to see me again and stuff, but after his first lie about having a urinary tract infection and the second lie about being a night manager at a hotel, I tired of playing Mr. Run-Around and dumped his ass. Brown Delight is somewhat in the picture, but he dropped the "let's just be friends" bomb so that's in limbo. Besides, he has a boyfriend anyway so that's no dice unless I want to play Harry Homewrecker.

During my time away from Atlanta, I've been doing a lot of thinking about 2006 and what the future holds for my personal life. I'm pondering love, spending time with someone special, relishing in intimate moments, just having fun with friends and where I fit into all that. I don't. Quite frankly, I'm ready to throw in the towel. And yeah, I've said that before, but I mean throwing the towel into a safe, encasing it in concrete and then dropping it into the Atlantic Ocean.

Why the change in '06? It's part of my new year campaign — "I'm Too Grown For This Shit". Say it with me: 2006 is the year of "I'm Too Grown For This Shit". And why shouldn't it be? I'm ready to turn into the hermit up in this piece. I'm talkin' just going to work, then coming home, and retreating only for the grocery store or any other provisions. I might even go out with Goofball every once in a while since those social situations are the only ones where I'm not sticking out like a sore thumb. I might go see more movies. Hell, even take more trips (according to my 101/1001, I still have Vegas, Paris and an Amtrak destination left). But with a good idea of where I want to be in the near future, it's a road I'll have to go solo. A buddy or a boyfriend would be good in the journey, but I'm a realist…and I realize that I can't rely on that.

It sounds worse than it is, I'm sure, but with extended introspection can come clarity. Right now, everything is very much muddled and confusing and I need to cut the shit.

Geez…you'd think I'd actually be able to relax while on vacation.