These past few days, I’ve been thinking about love. How people fall into it, fall out of it, or even come up with the criteria to describe it. It got me to thinking — how did you find out about love? Did your parents teach you? Other relatives? How did you come to your thoughts about love? I’ll start.
For me, I never really saw “love” growing up. Granted, no one can see love, but rather the actions which manifest because of it. In the case of Sperm Donor and Death to Shakespeare, I would not say they were in love. If they were, they never showed it with constant fighting and arguing. If anything, they stayed together out of obligation to us kids. Most of my uncles I saw on a regular basis were single and didn’t date (at least from what I could tell). Even Yes Man and Ma’dea hardly seemed like they were in love, but rather kept house because they were both old and had kids together. There weren’t any stolen kisses, playful flirting, or anything like that. Family was just business as usual.
In a way, I kinda wish I had the sit-down talk about love and relationships. I went blindly into a lot of situations in grade school not knowing the first thing about love or what to do. Growing up, my experiences ended up creating and shaping my experiences about love, but without some kind of benchmark, I guess it’s no different than taking the same shots in the dark I did as a kid.
Does it all make sense? Not really.
Anyway, I think it’s important to establish what it means to me the older I get (and the more relationships I find myself in). I’m not going through this little exercise in introspection because I’m falling in love (I’m not!). But again, you’ve gotta know this stuff. If not for ourselves, than at least to help our community as a whole.
Yeah…I’m rambling here. Off to bed. But seriously, tell me what you think about love and all that stuff.
Watch LOVE JONES immediately. Great love story, with romance, about black people! (Ask folks how they met their love, when/if you really want to know.)
I can totally relate. Took me years to define love or what it meant for me. My dad uses it to keep a roof over his head and money in his pockets and my mom uses it to control people. So just recently I discovered that love should be an ulterior motive or justification for bullshit.
Sorry about the long comment, just finished my last final and feeling manic
hmmm… this is a good question. growing up, i didn’t get too many clues regarding romantic love and its expressions. my parents were divorced, and though my mom dated, i didn’t see any stolen kisses, hugs or the like. my grandparents seem a lot like yours. they were together because that’s what just the way it’d always been. however, i did learn a great deal (from my grandmother, mother, aunts and uncles) about how patient and tolerant love is or should be, especially towards friends and family members. while i think those are good traits to have, i also feel love can be patient and/or tolerant to a fault.
I’d have to agree with your viewpoints. As a matter of fact I still think sometimes i’m a little confused about it all.
i was thinking about this a lot the past few months. my parents were really great partners, but no romance, dating, nothing. i have grown up not really sure of any “courting” behaviors or anything. it makes being a 21 yr old female interesting. i just kinda find out for myself every few months…
but mostly i’ve learned that people are shit, shady, and don’t want you to change.
Well like a lot of you my grandparents seem like they are together because they had children. My parents were in the same situation. If I were not born they probably wouldn’t have married which taught me an important lesson. You cannot always equate marriage with love. Whether it be children, financial, or the urge to satisy some unfilled emotional need people get married for other reasons than love all the time!
My parents would occassionaly display affection towards one another though. Pats on the behind, tickling, kisses, and my mom would sometimes rub my dad’s leg while he drove.
I could go on and on about this topic but I’ll stop here!
I think we naturally absorb as children what we see. Is love for me what it is for my father: indiscriminate passion for one person, that sours into manipulation and finally implacable hate when it’s disappointed? or, as it is for my mother, duty foremost and above all, and self abnegation, humble and generous and self effacing? I ended up by passing their examples and choosing my step mother’s example.
Love is a black hole, a bottomless void that wafts a fetid stench up your nostrils and causes you to sink ever so quickly into pain and despair.
Just Kidding…