No, it’s not part of Oprah’s book club.
It ain’t the Law of Attraction, and Rhonda Byrne damn sure didn’t discover it.
For you see, I am the secret. At least when it comes to relationships.
I’m not getting any younger. And of course, I’m thinking about what I want to change in my life since I’m approaching 30 and really want to get things in order. You know…finances, living conditions…and relationships.
I was thinking the other day about my past relationships and how essentially, I was never really with them, in the actual two-people-one-feeling type of way. They had their friends and their family and the things they did with them, and then separate from that, there was me. With each of them, I was never integrated into their lives in a way that would have gotten me to know more about them. I was just Mr. One-on-One. Opportunity and Hey Mr. DJ were perhaps the biggest offenders in this case. I was just the sideline ho.
Now when I was younger, that was OK. I was doing my own thing and they did theirs and never the ‘twain did meet. But now that I’m older and all these feelings and shit start getting involved. Well…I don’t want to be isolated like that. And I certainly don’t want to be with someone who’d be ashamed to introduce me to the people in their lives, romantic relationship or otherwise. I mean, who would deny themselves of the Karsh experience willingly? It’s their loss, y’know?
The flipside of that, though, is wondering what it is about me that’d want them to do that in the first place. My intelligence? My humor? My looks? My race? I’m not in the closet, but I’m not doing rhythmic gymnastics with the rainbow flag either. Hell, it could be a combination of all those factors.
For The Ex, he was ashamed to be seen with me in public.
For The Why, he was afraid his fianceé would find out.
And for the others? Who the hell knows.
So I ask…how many of you out there are keeping someone a secret for fear of what someone else might think?
Forgive me, but it’s Sunday and I have to just some up my reaction by first saying…
GLORAAAAAAY!
Not the sideline ho, Karsh! Well, I’ve been the sideline and the ho, so I surely can relate. You stuck a nerve that’s been tingling for awhile. It’s easy to dismiss this as “them” but “we” are also participating in this conspiracy of untruths.
Let’s think on this some more.
i was the secret on the side before. baby girl just wanted to get her freak on. i didn’t understand the psychological ramifications (read: karmic payback) being involved in such things caused. now, i’ve learned you reap what you sow. if someone wants your body/sex and not the whole person, keep stepping. but doing some serious self analysis is commendable. shoot, we all need to.
Yeah, that’s pretty true for myself and since I’m a little younger, I prob. fit into that category. It seems like the only guys I am attracted to are straight or growing cobwebs in the closet. Secret relationships, booty calls at 2 am, it’s enough to drive me crazy. Can we please have more out bgm that aren’t total queens!!!!