For my first real foray back into the dating scene this year, things are not faring well.
The Star e-mailed me to tell me what happened. Apparently, while he was out on Saturday night, the girl he was with got arrested, and apparently, he had a warrant from some traffic violation ten years ago in California, so he had to fly out there to get it settled. Somewhere between there and now, his house got swept up in a tornado, landed in a mystical land of witches and midgets, and he had to follow a brick road with three misfits to get back to reality.
And yet with all of that…no apology.
“I just decided to leave well enough alone.”
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“Oh, you know. You know what I mean.”
Am I missing something here? Like, I dunno, my sanity? Jesus H. Christ. The first quasi-date experience of the year and it’s already off on a bad note. Getting stood up, then getting this fantastic mess of a lie just rubbed me the wrong way. Regardless of how much progress I’ve made since Gaara did a number on me, it’s funny how one experience can sort of set you off-kilter.
I guess at this point, it would be rather moot to mention that we met online.
Because I’ve grown tired of bars and clubs, online has been the safe retreat for me to find dates, especially since I work a lot and am often up all hours of the night. But as you’ve seen from previous attempts, there’s some scary shit out there. What used to be a nice convenience for those who’ve outgrown the regular scene has now turned into some kind of sexual phantasmagoria. A fuck every now and then is fine, but what if you are just genuinely looking to date and meet people? Is there anywhere online where gay men can chat and do that which isn’t a) all lovey-dovey, preachy-weachy about finding someone, or b) a walled garden of fail?
Based on some suggestions from friends of mine, I tried out both DList and IvyGuys, but neither of them seemed to be a totally welcoming experience. I had heard of DList a while back when it was dubbed “the gay MySpace”, and I totally stayed away from it considering how much I loathed the regular MySpace. I signed up for a profile, and after hitting up a few people here and there for about a month, I ended up deleting my profile since I wasn’t getting any play.
Next was IvyGuys. Here’s my succinct review: STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM IVYGUYS BECAUSE THEY STEAL YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION. Seriously, try and log in and see if you ever get an acceptance e-mail. If you don’t, then congratulations! Your personal information has been stolen. Don’t find out like I did, the non e-mail answering bastards.
There’s also a few other services I knew about (Gay.com, GLEE, DowneLink, etc.), but from what I’ve been told (and what I’ve experienced), they’re either mainly populated with members from geographic areas other than Atlanta, so for me, it’s not really the best way to go. Hell, I might even be willing to cast the net much wider than just Atlanta. Maybe all the way to NYC. I know this all seems like a bit of overkill, but trust me when I say that once you do meet someone and take it offline, there can be a whole new set of problems.
What if, after all the careful online grooming and screening, you meet them in person and discover they don’t know how to date?
*sigh*
This would be so much easier if I liked to dance shirtless to oonsk-oonsk-oonsk-oonsk music and twirl glowsticks.
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I think you should do a mixture of both. Do online but give yourself 1 day a month that you'll go out. I work a lot too. It doesn't have to be a Saturday or a Sunday. Say 1 day a month you'll go to a bar hopefully a neighborhood bar after work and have a drink.
Online dating has lost its luster. In fact, if anything I encourage others (and myself) to go back to the bar and club scene because the internet has grown so cold and indifferent that it has committed some form of cannibal suicide.
At one point, the internet was the alternative to trifling clubs, but that was over a decade ago and times have changed. I notice this and I'm only 25. I find it difficult to make a connection with anyone for anything greater than random sex.
The only thing about going out is all the pomp and circumstance: picking the outfit, getting dressed, transporting yourself there, paying to get in etc. It's just too much sometimes, so I think the suggestion above was on point. Try going out once a month, and I'll do the same. I can't do it too often because after a long day of work the last place I want to be is some stank public space with a bunch of queens* who think they are too hot to handle.
*Queen being any gay boy, masc or fem, with that holier than thou attitude.
Honestly, I found my guy while I was selling Jello shooters for a social organization while at Mary's in east ATL, unexpectedly. I know that is so cliche but I found online services only about one thing: hooking up.