“I will not be the first one to speak. And if he never calls me again, I’ll always think of him fondly. As an asshole.” – Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

I’m sick. And the older I get, the worse I hate being sick and single, because I end up just wanting someone to rub my feet, fix me sandwiches, and talk to me to keep me company. But since there’s no boyfriend and no one to come around to do any of these things, I start calling people, which usually ends up in me hearing the following:

“Well hello, stranger.”
“Where have you been?”
“Long time, no speak!”
“I see you finally decided to call somebody.”

Yeah, because being laid up riddled with germs is always the impetus to reach out and touch someone (even if just to spread the “love”). I think what they fail to realize when they say these things is that I stopped calling them because they rarely/never called me.

It’s a weird bit of communication parallax. When it comes to relationships, I often find myself being the more participatory one (calling, setting up meetings, etc.). And when I stop participating, they usually don’t pick up the slack, the relationship dies, and I end up hearing shit like “why didn’t you call me” if/when I get back in touch with them. Perhaps they’re oblivious of the fact that the phone works both ways and they could just as easily call me. I don’t know. Maybe it’s too much work. I certainly know it’s a lot of work when I’ve gotta be Julie-fucking-McCoy 24/7. Match my efforts…damn!

I know what you’re thinking. “But Karsh, what about e-mail or Facebook or Twitter or IM?” OK, I’ll budge on that. E-mail and Twitter are probably the best ways to reach me, but most of the dudes I chat with don’t do well with e-mail (i.e., mofos that can barely spell and put together a complete sentence) and have no idea what Twitter is. I really don’t like being on Facebook for any length of time and I’m only on IM once in a blue moon. And really, after staring at a computer screen for hours on end, the last thing I want to do at the end of the day or when I’m catching up with a guy is to stay glued to the PC. For me, the phone is best.

Hey, it could be worse. I could go full-blown phone nazi again. I don’t think I’d ever go back there again. Does this ever happen to you? And if so, how did you break the cycle? Let a brotha know.

Meanwhile, I’ll lay up here in bed nursing this cold and willing the universe to send me some sandwiches. While I’m doing all this calling, I could just order something. Hmm…

PayPal me $20, would ya?

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